Near
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Words can cut deeper than any blade
Posts: 1,655
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Oct 23, 2006 19:56:11 GMT -5
Post by Near on Oct 23, 2006 19:56:11 GMT -5
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? Can you get cornered in a round room? Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there? Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet? In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she? How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable? "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
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Near
Co-Owner
Words can cut deeper than any blade
Posts: 1,655
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random
Oct 23, 2006 19:58:18 GMT -5
Post by Near on Oct 23, 2006 19:58:18 GMT -5
Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free? If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it? You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights? Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why is a square meal served on round plates? Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1? Which way does a compass point in space? Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked? Why do all superheroes wear spandex? If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why did Mary own a little lamb? If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money? Why can’t a baby cry while it’s inside its mother? If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man? If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?
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Near
Co-Owner
Words can cut deeper than any blade
Posts: 1,655
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random
Oct 23, 2006 20:01:12 GMT -5
Post by Near on Oct 23, 2006 20:01:12 GMT -5
These are quotes from 'The Office' The English version on NBC. If you haven't seen it, I really recomend watching it. Dwight Schrute: Someone forged medical information, and that's a felony. Jim Halpert: OK, Whoa, all right 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake? Dwight Schrute: [reading from a sheet] Uh, Leprosy, Flesh Eating Bacteria, Hot Dog Fingers, Government Created Killer Nano Robot Infection _________________________________________________________________ Jim Halpert: Because right now, this is a job. If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train. _________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: This, is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell outa here. _________________________________________________________________ Oscar: Both my parents were born in Mexico, and they moved to the United States a year before I was born, so I grew up in the United States... my parents were Mexican. Michael Scott: Wow, that is a great story. That's the American dream right there, right? Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive? _________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh, no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney." _________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna... Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's, uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol. And it's in our dangerous warehouse. And it's a school night. And, you know, Hooters is catering. Is that enou-is that enough? Should I keep going? Michael Scott: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be. _________________________________________________________________ Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters, my maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp... My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life... different kind of fight. _________________________________________________________________ Dwight Schrute: I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged? __________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day. ___________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about. _________________________________________________________________ Phyllis: [at the Christmas party] Hi, guys. Does everyone know my boyfriend, Bob Vance? Kevin: [introducing himself to Bob] Kevin Malone. Bob Vance: Bob Vance. Vance Refrigeration. Stanley: Stanley Hudson. Bob Vance: Bob Vance. Vance Refrigeration. Ryan Howard: Ryan Howard. Bob Vance: Bob Vance. Vance Refrigeration. Ryan Howard: [Kevin, Stanley, and Ryan all smile to themselves] What line of work are you in, Bob? _________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. _________________________________________________________________ Dwight Schrute: [Talking on phone] You got the fax. So why didn't you add it to the resume? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh excuse me, I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell and I will see you there. Burning. Fine. Oh, wait, so you'll let me know when you've made a decision? _________________________________________________________________ Dwight Schrute: I have been Michael's number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy. ___________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family. __________________________________________________________________ Dwight Schrute: The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me... for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies. __________________________________________________________________ Michael Scott: [Talking about what to put in Meredith's birthday card]I need something personal... like an illness. Dwight Schrute Well, she had a hysterectomy. Michael Scott: Which one is that again? Dwight Schrute: That's when they remove the uterus -... Michael Scott No! Dwight! God... _________________________________________________________________ Dwight Schrute: Okay, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire? Michael Scott: Uh, none: you're picking a healthcare plan.
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Ramen
Co-Owner
SasuNaru is my thing.
Empei shin de miru?
Posts: 1,961
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Oct 23, 2006 20:56:34 GMT -5
Post by Ramen on Oct 23, 2006 20:56:34 GMT -5
Dude...you got problems
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Nov 8, 2006 21:48:39 GMT -5
Post by dragonboyjgh on Nov 8, 2006 21:48:39 GMT -5
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Ramen
Co-Owner
SasuNaru is my thing.
Empei shin de miru?
Posts: 1,961
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random
Nov 8, 2006 21:49:45 GMT -5
Post by Ramen on Nov 8, 2006 21:49:45 GMT -5
...creepy
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Nov 11, 2006 16:34:56 GMT -5
Post by dragonboyjgh on Nov 11, 2006 16:34:56 GMT -5
do retards chests start to hurt? Or would there handss tire out first? isn't selfhelp group an oxymoron? Mimes are just clowns that went emo!
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Ramen
Co-Owner
SasuNaru is my thing.
Empei shin de miru?
Posts: 1,961
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random
Nov 11, 2006 21:37:26 GMT -5
Post by Ramen on Nov 11, 2006 21:37:26 GMT -5
...The mime is so true
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Nov 12, 2006 19:14:24 GMT -5
Post by dragonboyjgh on Nov 12, 2006 19:14:24 GMT -5
i thought so, here's some more |socks are not edible |having your cake and eating it oo is only possible through timetravel |if at first you don't suceed ask if you can use a lifeline |give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat till the bait stops tasting so good |fool carries pig over mountain to corn and then back, smart goes over mountain and carries corn to pig wise say why am i feeding pig, and eats corn himself |never use hot wax to soothe ernraged lobsters |yeah, double-d, an elephant never forgets but i forgot what the elephant remembered |"just say no" does not work with crazy people |fool me once shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. fool me three times and you won't live to do it again |i have no idea what your talking about so here's a bunny with a pancke on it's head and that's all for now but i have even more idiocy just waiting to be released
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Ramen
Co-Owner
SasuNaru is my thing.
Empei shin de miru?
Posts: 1,961
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random
Nov 12, 2006 20:11:51 GMT -5
Post by Ramen on Nov 12, 2006 20:11:51 GMT -5
hehehe, funny
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Nov 14, 2006 16:47:42 GMT -5
Post by dead emo girl on Nov 14, 2006 16:47:42 GMT -5
im just going to do this because im really really bored...so get over it If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?i guess Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?i d k Can you get cornered in a round room?no Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?because we dont want our ears to be dirty. really i d k who looks their Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? because their really small Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?i d k In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?its....SARAH THE CHICKEN How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?i guess Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?i d k Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?i d k...maybe they are baka's Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?i guess Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?idk...i guess "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"i guess Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? WTF..O.o
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Ramen
Co-Owner
SasuNaru is my thing.
Empei shin de miru?
Posts: 1,961
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random
Nov 14, 2006 17:55:04 GMT -5
Post by Ramen on Nov 14, 2006 17:55:04 GMT -5
...I don't think you're supposed to anwser them.
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Near
Co-Owner
Words can cut deeper than any blade
Posts: 1,655
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random
Nov 15, 2006 18:54:43 GMT -5
Post by Near on Nov 15, 2006 18:54:43 GMT -5
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Near
Co-Owner
Words can cut deeper than any blade
Posts: 1,655
|
random
Nov 26, 2006 20:54:51 GMT -5
Post by Near on Nov 26, 2006 20:54:51 GMT -5
then you get banned not my worries
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Ramen
Co-Owner
SasuNaru is my thing.
Empei shin de miru?
Posts: 1,961
|
random
Nov 26, 2006 21:13:20 GMT -5
Post by Ramen on Nov 26, 2006 21:13:20 GMT -5
Your in a foul mood, huh.
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